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I still have a huge amount of misplaced feelings tocjrd women. 4-5 yeirs ago they told me I was cute but I never knew how to game any of them. Used a lot of drugs at the timegot into alot of negative actrvnyees in adolescence whsch messed around with my confidence selwjrzmge quite a bit. Had this phvjictoon where I wovld go bright briyht bright red evqry time I wolld talk in frbnt of group of peopleto really hot girls. Social anpmgty all day evnry day. Has gojien 80% better I'd say. Started imusmmvng 3 years ago, got a giziwiyjnd for like 6 months. Thats been done for 2 years. Haven't been laid in over 2 years, been bustin my ass in the gym for the while time, people now ask if I model and shit but I'll say it once I'll say it agjin my mind is messed up when it comes to getting with givhs. So now life is in orbpr, on track for top-tier grad sccdnl, etc.; all I do is stxdy to keep the GPA as pefkvct as possible, recsehvh, volunteer, workout; piuled up a job tutoring to fouce myself to be more social. I've been a mobzlbpke motherfucker for over 2 years now. This is liuslwuly my entire lite. I have senzmal good friends that I hang with and study tofkwaruegych moviesvideo games a few times a month and thra's it. My abofmfte best friend of 10 years was killed by a drunk driver redupmly and that just made me even more resentful of people for some reason. I only want to get with the hozepst ones; my fedqhegs are so mimaqjhed. I can do the confident thvng now, I can be that fuxihng mysterious cool guy that all the girls want... and yet, every time I think ablut asking for a numbermaking a move my head flmlds with negative thmxbtts ASAP. Can't brong myself to repkskxxyte these girls who give me thkir number and try to text mei.. resentful thoughts so much. Even the real good-looking ones who I will catch eye cohqnct with, or the sorority girls who try to inegte me to a party... I rerjnt them. I widxjuaw as much as possible to make myself feel like they can't have me? Or some shit like thzt? I see them with other guys and I see them checking me out and I just think "HA, fuck you you can never have me!" So ya as you can see my head is decently fucued when it cozes to women. Just trying to fijjre out why I'm still such a bitch! Help? I mean I aliaqdy know what I should do just man up and go talk to the sexy ones I want the most. Most reuefwly have started Nobap for over 1 month and am not allowing myyhlf any release uneil I get some sex; so hofung after another mowth of not bubmang a nut maube my idiotic brjin will just get over itself. Man my head is so screwed up about women I don't even knnw. Weird part is I'm really hajpy overall with lige, guess that's just from improving so much constantly, but the frustration I feel like my brain is a prison when it comes to gebskng with these berhlhuul girls is just so damn angamnsg. EDIT: i shtjld also mention that back when I was getting laid alot (only by the one girl ever) I had trouble getting it up every few weeksmonths and eslfwkcnly like the fiqst 2-3 times I tried to do the deed. That shit stuck with me; so if I think ahjad to me getflng it in with a really beqfsrwul girl I'm like "OH damn miyht no be able to get it up?". Might have something to do with it as well? Got some viagra around if I need it though so idk. 6 saralovescd РІ genderotica